The Ebb and Flow

Life has fallen disgracefully out of rhythm since this pregnancy took hold.

Once upon a time, I found inspiration in Waldorf-inspired and Enki-esque rhythms.  My children and I would snuggle in the morning before rising to greet the day. I’d make breakfast in the kitchen, we’d eat together, and we’d start the day with some sort of song & activity, usually seasonal.  Then the kids would run off to do their thing, and I’d do mine – feed the animals, collect eggs, clean a bit, do some laundry, get some knitting done.  We’d reconvene for lunch, then perhaps do a floor puzzle together or read a book.  Our rhythm was very loose and fluid, with lots of room for impromptu trips to the park or library.

Now, dear readers, there is nothing of rhythm to speak of.  Jae is carrying the weight of the household on his shoulders while I spend far too many days in bed, throwing up or dealing with a migraine.  I have ceased all efforts at meal preparation (I can hardly stand to be in the kitchen), I rarely find the energy to play with my kids, and I haven’t done the animal care since the end of June. On days when I do get out of bed, I put in the bare minimum and spend a lot of time sitting on the couch.  I feel pathetic.

I’m sharing this because we are shifting into Autumn, and normally this time of year would consist of nature walks, art projects like leaf rubbings and acorn necklaces, and delicious hot meals cooked fresh.  Instead, Jae is stressed about having to take care of the farm, the house, the kids, AND a sick wife.  I just miss our usual Autumn escapades, I miss life as it was, I miss my days with my kids & household chores.  I know that the way I’m feeling will come to an end, sometime, because I won’t be pregnant forever – but in the meantime, I’m longing for the rhythm I used to find such comfort and joy in.

Thanks for bearing with me, faithful readers.  Hopefully I will have something of interest to post for you soon.

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2 thoughts on “The Ebb and Flow

  1. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been feeling sick! Early pregnancy is just hard, there are no two ways about it.

    Try not to worry that this Autumn isn’t picture-perfect. Think of next year–you’ll have a wee chubby babe whom the older children can show their acorn necklaces and leaf rubbings to! My own baby is 6 months old now, and it’s delightful every day to see how the other kids interact with her and try to teach her things.

    Good family times are ahead for you. Stay strong! 🙂

  2. Oh, I am so sorry for you. I know how you feel. The first 4 months of my 2 pregnancies I spent basically in bed, (or hospital) with the vomiting. I got so weak I could barely walk into the garden just to sit. I also suffer from migraines that come with 12 hours of vomiting, so even though my youngest is 7 I still know what is like to suffer.

    I got a very good book about morning sickness, and maybe some of these tips will help.

    Try and think about a texture that you would like to eat. Something that would feel nice in your mouth. Sweet or salty, wet or dry, cold or hot. Then try and find something that fits the texture. Doesn’t matter if it is good for you, just get it and try to eat a bit.

    I know how hard it is expecting your husband to do everything, my husband had to do the same, took over everything. But, even though it was hard, I think what was the hardest was seeing me suffer, and that he couldn’t help with that. So I am sure your husband knows that everything he is doing is making you “better”.

    Both pregnancies my morning sickness stopped at the same time, and I was able to enjoy the last half. I hope your morning sickness ends soon. Oh, and by the way, it is called hyperemesis gravidarum, in case anyone tells you to buck up it’s “just morning sickness”. It is not just morning sickness.

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