Life has fallen disgracefully out of rhythm since this pregnancy took hold.
Once upon a time, I found inspiration in Waldorf-inspired and Enki-esque rhythms. My children and I would snuggle in the morning before rising to greet the day. I’d make breakfast in the kitchen, we’d eat together, and we’d start the day with some sort of song & activity, usually seasonal. Then the kids would run off to do their thing, and I’d do mine – feed the animals, collect eggs, clean a bit, do some laundry, get some knitting done. We’d reconvene for lunch, then perhaps do a floor puzzle together or read a book. Our rhythm was very loose and fluid, with lots of room for impromptu trips to the park or library.
Now, dear readers, there is nothing of rhythm to speak of. Jae is carrying the weight of the household on his shoulders while I spend far too many days in bed, throwing up or dealing with a migraine. I have ceased all efforts at meal preparation (I can hardly stand to be in the kitchen), I rarely find the energy to play with my kids, and I haven’t done the animal care since the end of June. On days when I do get out of bed, I put in the bare minimum and spend a lot of time sitting on the couch. I feel pathetic.
I’m sharing this because we are shifting into Autumn, and normally this time of year would consist of nature walks, art projects like leaf rubbings and acorn necklaces, and delicious hot meals cooked fresh. Instead, Jae is stressed about having to take care of the farm, the house, the kids, AND a sick wife. I just miss our usual Autumn escapades, I miss life as it was, I miss my days with my kids & household chores. I know that the way I’m feeling will come to an end, sometime, because I won’t be pregnant forever – but in the meantime, I’m longing for the rhythm I used to find such comfort and joy in.
Thanks for bearing with me, faithful readers. Hopefully I will have something of interest to post for you soon.